It’s christmas time, again

I’ve not been feeling particularly festive this year.

I don’t think that’s very surprising considering everything that’s been going on this year. I haven’t been able to go to the Toronto Christmas Market. I haven’t had any dinner parties with friends. I haven’t been taking or teaching classes where we choreograph dances to festive music. We haven’t put up a tree this year. I won’t be able to have Christmas with my whole family like we always do.

I know all of these are things that I am privileged to have and to be able to do, I know this. But knowing this doesn’t mean I suddenly feel festive or Christmassy anyway. Knowing this doesn’t make me miss these things any less.

Today I settled down in a polar bear onesie and watched Dance Dreams: The Hot Chocolate Nutcracker on Netflix. It didn’t make me feel more like it’s Christmas, but it did make me smile, and it made me miss dance classes fiercely. It made me wish I could go to LA and watch this version of the Nutcracker in person.

Feeling festive or feeling like it’s Christmas isn’t some magical emotion that just pops up in December. Maybe it’s just the feeling of joy that comes with seeing family or doing fun things with friends, maybe it’s the beauty of Christmas lights when I can walk past them, maybe it’s the feeling of togetherness and connection I feel when everyone is dancing to the same Christmas song together. I just have to deal with the fact that that feeling isn’t going to be the same this year, it’s impossible for it to feel the same. So what else can I do but have some chocolate with the family members I live with, and watch my ballets and Christmas specials, and dance to some Christmas songs in my room, and capture some snippets of that feeling, some snapshots of those holiday emotions, and as many moments of festivity as I can.

Here are a few of my favourite Christmas songs, ranging from dark to quirky to worldwide classics. I hope you like at least one, one you can listen to alone in your room, or while cuddling with your cat, or dancing around with whatever family you can see this year. Happy Holidays.