do you believe in death of the author?

Like many millennials, I grew up loving Harry Potter. I read the first three books when I was 8 years old, and pre-ordered every single one after that so I would get it on the day it was released. I watched all of the movies multiple times in theatres. I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter twice. I had games and clothing items and cards and all of the extra books. And beyond all of the material things–I bonded with friends and family over Harry Potter. I felt a connection to characters. I cried at the books and movies. Harry Potter meant a lot to me growing up, from childhood all through to university. When the play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child premiered in 2016/2017, I knew that whenever it eventually came to Toronto, I would go and see it.

And then, of course, JK Rowling revealed herself to be a massive, appalling TERF.

For those who don’t know, a TERF is a “trans exclusionary radical feminist,” although it feels wrong to even humour the idea they are actually feminists in any way. Under the pretence of “protecting women,” they disrespect, oppress, or downright harrass and hate on Trans people. They see trans women as “invading women’s spaces,” see trans men as confused women “becoming one of their oppressors.” There are different levels of TERFS of course–some will claim they love and support trans women but just want to differentiate them from cis women (always in a way that keeps down trans women, of course), while others will be more forthright in their transphobia. There’s a lot more to it than this, but the prevalence of these kind of voices is a serious problem. It was horrible for me to learn that JK Rowling, someone with money and influence (and less importantly, someone whose writing I loved so much), was spreading this rhetoric that not only goes against what I believe in, but that I find actively hateful and harmful.

Harry Potter fans have had different reactions to this overall. Some–unfortunately–agree with JKR. Some have renounced the series entirely, giving away books and DVDs and merch. Others haven’t dropped the whole thing, but refuse to buy anything new that could give her money. Other fans have decided to pretend she never wrote the series. Others now insist the books were always bad.

So where do I stand? I don’t personally agree with the “actually thr books were always bad” stance on things. For one–I don’t think they were. I still enjoy them. But also, I think it’s dangerous to perpetuate the idea that people with terrible opinions–or even downright terrible people in general!–must also be ugly and untalented and failures. Because that simply is not true, and associating talent with goodness, or beauty with goodness, or all of the above, feels like a dangerous slope to slide down.

I watched the Harry Potter reunion on HBO Max in January. mainly because JK Rowling wasn’t involved. I cried my eyes out seeing the movie cast come together and talk about what the movies had meant to them. Despite everything, Harry Potter meant a lot to me as well. These characters meant a lot to me, these actors meant a lot to me. I felt like I wanted to go back and read all these stories for the first time, to experience it without everything that came after it.

Yesterday, I went to watch the play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in the theatre, the first thing I have done in years that would actually “give JKR money.” I justified it to myself using a version of “death of the author:” these stories have been in the world so long that they no longer only belong to JK Rowling, other than in the monetary sense, they belong to the fans, to the people who have lived with them and grown up with them for decades now. And I’m one of them. I wasn’t going to see a theatrical sequel to JK Rowling’s Harry Potter, I was going to see a theatrical sequel to MY Harry Potter.

Not everyone will agree with my approach or decision, I know that. And maybe the way I feel will change over time. I did wonder, fleetingly, before the show started, how many people in the room agreed with JK’s opinions, and how many didn’t know, and how many didn’t care. Then the show began, and I let myself get swept up in it. It was almost easy to do so–it felt a bit like watching a live-action fan fiction onstage, which was fun. It was a bit of a strange show, but overall an enjoyable experience.

I know this isn’t the first time a creator will do something or say something that makes enjoying their works complicated. I in this moment am wearing a Buffy The Vampire Slayer t-shirt, even though show creator Joss Whedon is, according to many people, a piece of shit. I still love the show–just like I still love Angel, and Firefly, and Dollhouse, and Dr Horrible’s Singalong Blog, and The Avengers movie, and most things that he has created. Sometimes I’m able to separate the creator from these works easily. Sometimes, I feel guilty about it. And I’m not sure what to do wih that. Maybe it’s easier to enjoy them because these are all shows and movies that are over now, and I have already had my enjoyment of and experience with them. Maybe that’s what makes it harder to distance myself. Maybe both.

I know these are feelings that will change and shift over time. I know I’ll probably be hypocritical sometimes–completely renouncing some works of art while being fine with others. Maybe I’ll come write about those too, when it happens.

If you have an opinion on any of this–feel free to share. If not, thanks for letting me ramble.

A first…

I got a COVID-19 test for the first time today.

That’s right, April 2021, people my age are already getting vaccinated in many parts of the US, and meanwhile I’m getting my first COVID test.

I’m not sick and I’m not showing any symptoms, but I’ve been to a lot of doctors visits in the past few weeks, and I live in a hotspot, and I got a bit paranoid. So I made an appointment at the nearest testing centre and headed in today. It was very efficient, you can tell they’ve got it down to a science at this point.

I have no idea how people on movie sets or other jobs with frequent testing do that every single day. I felt like I could feel that swab in my brain. I was STILL feeling it when I got home. I can’t imagine doing that frequently, or even administering a test myself, the way I have seen some people do.

I think the test will most likely come back negative, I’ve been as safe as I possibly can be right now. But I don’t regret doing it. It was free and quick and even though I felt like an Egyptian mummy getting my brain pulled out through my nose, I would rather be safe than sorry.

I can’t wait until I finally get a vaccine. I can’t wait until enough of the country is vaccinated that we are all worrying much less. I can’t wait until cases go down, hopefully before that time. I can’t wait until I leave the house to do something other than doctor’s visits or COVID tests. I feel lucky that these tests even exist and are free, I feel lucky that so many people have worked so hard to create vaccines that I will be able to get within the next few months.

I think I’ll probably still wear my mask on public transit for a while, especially while crowded. Ironically enough, 2020 was the first year of my entire life that I didn’t have some sort of respiratory illness, and I’m hoping to keep that streak going, at least for a little while longer. But it will be nice when masks are less of a necessity everywhere you go.

I’ll have something more interesting to talk about next time, but today, I just wanted to commemorate this occasion. May it be the first and also the last.